Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
F that B.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
True friends stab you in the front!
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
