Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
