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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.