If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
