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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.

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Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Winners do what other people won't.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.