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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.

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Auto-correct can kiss my ask.

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I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."