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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.

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Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.

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Dreams lift when reality falls.

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Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.

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Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.

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Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?