Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Always remember to smile.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
You're only as good as your last game.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
