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Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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You're only as good as your last game.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

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We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.

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My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.

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When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.