Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
