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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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You live and you learn.

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If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.

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The lottery: voluntary taxation.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.

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Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.

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God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.