The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Playing comes first, you can work later.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
