The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
