The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
