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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.

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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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Haters make you famous.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.

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When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.