Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
