Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
True friends stab you in the front!
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
