Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
