The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
