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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.

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F that B.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.

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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.

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Nice shoes! Wanna screw?

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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.