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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.

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Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.

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We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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You live and you learn.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.