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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Immaturity keeps me young.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...