I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Make money, don't let it make you.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
You live and you learn.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
