I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
The last thing I want to do is die.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
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