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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.

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If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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Make money, don't let it make you.

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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.