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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.

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You do not learn anything by doing everything right.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.