The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Winners do what other people won't.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
