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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.

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You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.