Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
