Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
