Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
Always remember to smile.
