Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
Haters make you famous.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
