Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
The last thing I want to do is die.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
