Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
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