Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
The last thing I want to do is die.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
F that B.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
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