Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Love needs to get glasses.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
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