Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
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