Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
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