Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Perception is everything.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
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