Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
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