Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
It's weird not to be weird.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Fall in love with my mind.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I