Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Make money, don't let it make you.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.