Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?