I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
True friends stab you in the front!
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
