You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
