You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
