How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
