How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
Always remember to smile.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
