How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
You're only as good as your last game.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Be positive for no reason.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
