How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
