I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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