I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Make money, don't let it make you.
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
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