I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
Perception is everything.
Haters make you famous.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.