I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
© 2016 EpicQuotes |