I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
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