I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Always remember to smile.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
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