I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.