I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
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