I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
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