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You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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The lottery: voluntary taxation.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.