You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Wherever you go, there you are.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
