Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
