Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
