Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Make money, don't let it make you.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
