Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
