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Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.

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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.

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If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.

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Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.