Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Everybody is a student for life.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
