Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Make money, don't let it make you.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
You live and you learn.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
