Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
