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If you're good at something, don't do it for free.

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Nice shoes! Wanna screw?

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.

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People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.

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You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.