If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
