If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
