24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Always remember to smile.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
