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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.

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The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".

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The lottery: voluntary taxation.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.