24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
