24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
