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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.

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If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.