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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

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Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

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Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.