Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
