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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.

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History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.