Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
It's weird not to be weird.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
