If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
Real eyes realize real lies.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
