"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
