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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.

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If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.

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I need a six month holiday, twice a year.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.