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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.