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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.

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Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.

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If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.

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Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.