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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.

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Always remember to smile.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.