I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
© 2014 EpicQuotes |