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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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You're only as good as your last game.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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You know you love her when people think you're crazy.

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God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.