KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Everybody is a student for life.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
