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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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Some people should be high-fived...in the face.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.

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Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.

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You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.