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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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Maturity is knowing when to be immature.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.

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I need a six month holiday, twice a year.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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Perception is everything.

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You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.