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Drunk words are sober thoughts.

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If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.

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History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.

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Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.

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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.

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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!