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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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It's weird not to be weird.

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Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.

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Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.

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I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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I put the laughter in manslaughter.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.

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You inspire me to be a better pervert.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.