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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.

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Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.