I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
