I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
