I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
