I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
