I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Haters are just confused admirers.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
