I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
