I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
Always remember to smile.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
