I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
