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I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.

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Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.

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You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.