I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
