I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
The last thing I want to do is die.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Everybody spread positivity.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
F that B.
