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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.

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You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

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The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.