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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.

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I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

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He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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I put the laughter in manslaughter.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.