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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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The world is full of guys, be a man.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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You inspire me to be a better pervert.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes