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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.

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The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.

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What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

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Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.

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Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.

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Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.