Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
