Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
The last thing I want to do is die.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
