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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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Wild hearts can't be broken.

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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.