Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
The last thing I want to do is die.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
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