Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
You're only as good as your last game.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Haters make you famous.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
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