I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
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