I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Fall in love with my mind.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.
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