If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
Love needs to get glasses.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
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