Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
