Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
Winners do what other people won't.
