I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Fall in love with my mind.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
It's weird not to be weird.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
