To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
