People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Winners do what other people won't.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
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