Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
The last thing I want to do is die.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Everybody is a student for life.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
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