Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
