Make money, don't let it make you.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
