Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
Wherever you go, there you are.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Fall in love with my mind.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
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