Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
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