The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Haters make you famous.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.