Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.