I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Winners do what other people won't.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."