Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
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