I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
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