What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
You live and you learn.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
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