They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.