When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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