Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
Everybody is a student for life.
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