I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
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