Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
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