Wild hearts can't be broken.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
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