I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
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