The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
Everybody is a student for life.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
The last thing I want to do is die.
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