Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
You live and you learn.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
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