Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
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