To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
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