Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
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