I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Everybody spread positivity.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
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