I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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