We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Be positive for no reason.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.