Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
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