Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Always remember to smile.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
© 2017 EpicQuotes |