Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Fall in love with my mind.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
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