That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
© 2014 EpicQuotes |