I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
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