I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Perception is everything.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.