If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
