Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
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