When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
