Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
It's weird not to be weird.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
© 2014 EpicQuotes |