My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
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