If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
True friends stab you in the front!
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