Some take the bait, others reel it in.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
© 2014 EpicQuotes |