I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
