I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
