Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
