You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
