Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
It's weird not to be weird.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.