Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
Winners do what other people won't.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
The last thing I want to do is die.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
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