Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
F that B.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.