Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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