Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Always remember to smile.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
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