Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.