Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
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