My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
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