Immaturity keeps me young.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.