That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Wherever you go, there you are.
