Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.