Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
© 2016 EpicQuotes |