The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Perception is everything.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
The last thing I want to do is die.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.