You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
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