Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.