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You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

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F that B.

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.