Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
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