Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
Love needs to get glasses.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
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