Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
Always remember to smile.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
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