To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
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