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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?

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If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.