Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
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