You live and you learn.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Trust in God but lock your car.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
