Haters make you famous.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
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