If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
