Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
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