After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Everybody spread positivity.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.