If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Immaturity keeps me young.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
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