I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
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