It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
The last thing I want to do is die.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
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