Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Trust in God but lock your car.
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