When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
© 2017 EpicQuotes |