When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Winners do what other people won't.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
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