The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
You're only as good as your last game.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
