Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
