You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
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