You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
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