No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
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