Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
You live and you learn.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
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