Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
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