Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
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