You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
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