I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Playing comes first, you can work later.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.