You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
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