From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
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