To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Haters make you famous.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
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