You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
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