A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
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