A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
He who laughs last didn't get it.